She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
