living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
