Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
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