WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
