what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
