Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize