Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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