there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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