Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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