lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
