there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Sext me about skeletons
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize
