It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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