True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
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