he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
