Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
