i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I just gargled with NyQuil
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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