I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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