So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
