im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
