I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
