i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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