Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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