His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
