She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
