Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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