Will you blow on my dice?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
