the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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