I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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