he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
