It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
