Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
