He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
