woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize