I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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