well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
