i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
