Having a random hookup so left but love u
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
