OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
