Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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