Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
