If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
