u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
