Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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