a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
