Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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