we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
