I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
