U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
