If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
