During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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