also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
