Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Someone shattered a urinal.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
