Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
