Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
