I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
