i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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