I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
