We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
