I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
my shit smells like andre
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
