I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize