You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
