i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
