we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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