I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
