I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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