When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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