ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
