Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
