Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
