Yo dont text me then not text me
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
