No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
