how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
