the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Randomize
